Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy "Senator Chuck Grassley, one of healthcare reform抯 most vocal opponents, has outdone himself. He抯 now trying to take credit for portions of the Affordable Health Care For America Act, bragging that he authored the good parts. ..."
Et Tu, Dennis? "Big news on the health reform front: Dennis Kucinich caved. ..."
Hayworth抯 Marriage Menagerie (Limerick) "J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona抯 Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. ..."
Ode To An Obstructionist "As you undoubtedly know, Senator James Bunning (R-Kentucky) is retiring at the end of the year ?and none too soon. Embittered and unstable, Jim Bunning seems determined to inflict as much damage as possible during his final months in office. ..."
Subversive Limerick "South Carolina is a very entertaining state ?if you抮e into oddball politicians and very strange laws. ..."
Gosh-Darn Pols! " California Assembly抯 decree:
The first week of March is 揷uss-free.?.."
Dear Obama, Enough With The Voltaire "I don抰 know about you, but I抦 getting really tired of this line frequently used by Obama and other pols: 'America can抰 afford to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.' ..."
Senator Bayh, Buh Bye! "Senator Evan Bayh (Pretend-Dem-Indiana) has announced that he won抰 seek reelection this year. ..."
Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain抰 Kosher "Up until now, I抳e avoided writing about Tiger Woods?serial philandering. But Brit Hume抯 outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity. ..."
Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack "Republicans have been treating Nigerian Abdulmutallab抯 failed Christmas Day bombing of Flight 253 like a Christmas gift from Al Qaeda ?something really juicy to exploit. ..."
Dressing Down The President "Removing the Medicare buy-in from the Senate health reform bill (to appease Senator Lieberman) was the last straw for Howard Dean. Dean says, 揔ill the Senate Bill,?and I抦 inclined to agree. ..."
揘o-Man?Joe "When it comes to health care reform, Joe Lieberman is acting like a petulant baby: 揥ah, wah, wah! Dump the public option, or I filibuster. So there!?..."
Dick Cheney抯 Steno Pool "Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they抮e gospel. ..."
Testy Republicans "By now you抳e surely heard about the GOP抯 proposed conservative 'purity test,' a ten-point litmus test advocated by James Bopp Jr. and others to weed out party 'undesirables.' ..."
Fraidy-Cat Republicans "According to Republicans, it抯 way too dangerous for Obama抯 Attorney General Eric Holder to try terrorists in federal courts. And that seems just a wee bit odd. ..."
Bowing ?And Scraping Bottom "Fox News and all the usual wingnut suspects are simply horrified because President Obama, in a show of diplomatic courtesy, bowed to Emperor Akihito of Japan. ..."
Stupak Stupidity "The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups?donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it抯 true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion. ..."
Stewing Over Stupak "This feminist is furious over the abortion-coverage-banning Stupak Amendment to the House health care reform bill. And no, Stupak isn抰 a Hyde Amendment-equivalent. It抯 the Hyde Amendment on steroids. ..."
Celebrating Sarah "On behalf of my fellow New Yorkers, I want to thank Sarah Palin for her generous gift to the State of New York. Palin抯 leadership in driving moderates like Dede Scozzafava out of the Republican party handed New York Democrats a Congressional Seat (District 23) that had eluded Dems for well over a century. ..."
揝hort On Facts?Fox "One of the silliest Republican (and Fox News) talking points is that the Democratic health reform bill is too long. ..."
Tantrum Politics "Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion? Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you抮e likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. ..."
Our Liberal Media "Steve Benen points out the contrast between the coverage of two abortion-related polls: ..."
Waterloo Lies "The GOP抯 spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies ...."
Dear Senator Inhofe "Boohoohoo! Poor, innocent Republicans are being hassled by wingnut birthers ?loons who would refuse to believe President Obama was born in the U.S., even if they witnessed his Hawaiian birth themselves. ..."
Dueling Scandals "Senator John Ensign surely celebrated when Governor Mark Sanford抯 soul-mate scandal took Ensign抯 sex-capade off Page 1. ...?
Translating Sarah "Why does Sarah Palin need to be Alaska抯 governor, when she has Facebook? ...?
Flailin' Palin "Help! I can抰 keep those Republican governors straight. For instance, why is Sarah Palin giving up her Alaska Governor gig? Some sort of wildlife scandal involving 'dead fish' and a 'lame duck?' ...?
Ode to Mark 揝weet Talker?Sanford "South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford shouldn抰 resign because he抯 an unfaithful, lying, hypocrite ?although he抯 all that and more. ...?
De-Moralized? "I抳e heard some twisted rationalizations over the years. But Rush Limbaugh抯 attempt at blaming Obama for Mark Sanford抯 failings really takes the cake. ...?
Mark Sanford抯 Trail ?Of Hypocrisy "All the explanations for Gov. Mark Sanford抯 absence ?the recharging, the writing, the catching up on projects, the naked Appalachian Trail hiking ?are officially inoperative. ...?
Steeley Plan For Health Care "Life would be ever so much easier, if only RNC Chairman Michael Steele had Barack Obama抯 gig. For instance, we抎 be able to solve our health care problems in a nanosecond. ...?
Mark Sanford ?Lost? Or Losing It? "I don抰 know what抯 weirder ?the fact that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford抯 been missing since Thursday, or that his wife doesn抰 seem at all worried. ...?
Ben Nelson, DINO ?Or Dinosaur? "If you didn抰 know Sen. Ben Nelson抯 a Democrat, you抎 swear he抯 a conservative Republican. And that抯 why the fantasy of a Frankenized, filibuster-proof Senate is ludicrous. ...?
Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys "The omni-presence of Dick and Liz Cheney on (as Rachel Maddow loves to call it) 搕he TV machine?is nearly enough to get me to toss out my televisions. ...?
Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies "It wasn抰 bad enough that Sen. Jeff Sessions cited 搕ropical breezes?in extolling the glories of Gitmo. Now we have Sen. Jim Inhofe bragging about Gitmo抯 health care ?colonoscopies for inmates over fifty-five. Whoopee! ...?
Ode to Mike 揟he Poet?Huckabee 揑 have some new competition in the political poetry arena. Apparently, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee fancies himself a poet and has written an anti-Pelosi screed in the form of a really bad poem called Fancy Nancy. ...?
Quaking Over Handshakes 揘ewsflash via a Republican video ad: Obama is endangering the U.S. by consorting with foreign leaders like Venezuela抯 Hugo Chavez and Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz. ...?
Karl抯 Roving Standards (Double Limerick) 揘othing brings out Republican hypocrisy like a nice, juicy U.S. Supreme Court vacancy. Take Karl Rove, for instance, on Obama抯 potential nominees to replace Justice David Souter: ...?
Secession? Did I Say Secession? "For such a fan of secession, Texas Gov. Rick Perry sure is quick to ask for federal bucks. Hurricane disaster assistance? Check. Antiviral medications to combat swine flu? Check. ...?
Fox Pundits At Sea 揊ox News 損undit?rants always look foolish, especially when they抮e packed with gleeful predictions of Democratic failures. And most especially when their predictions turn out to be dramatically wrong. ...?
Dogged Journalism 揂t long last, we have an answer to these burning questions: What kind of dog will Obama get daughters Malia and Sasha, and when will he get it? ...?
Republican Road To Remedial Math 揑, for one, thoroughly enjoyed the House Republicans?number-free budget. And I抦 looking forward to the expanded version they抳e promised for next week ?the one that won抰 have any letters in it either. ...?
Ode To AP's Ron Fournier 揂fter President Obama抯 outstanding performance during his second primetime press conference, the AP抯 Ron Fournier had some column inches to fill. So, what words of wisdom did he share in his 'news analysis'? Obama really 'likes to have [his words] up on the Teleprompter.' ...?
Ode To The Laughter-Police 揑 could have sworn that Obama抯 60 Minutes interview was both serious and informative. But I guess that抯 what happens when you watch something yourself, instead of relying on press accounts. ...?
Fuming About Hume 揥hat delicious irony ?Brit Hume bitching about blogger partisanship. ...?
Ode To The Easily Offended 揚resident Obama was witty and entertaining on last night抯 Leno appearance, and what抯 the upshot? He抯 forced to apologize for a self-deprecating, throwaway line comparing his bowling performance to the Special Olympics. ...?
Tough Negotiators, Those Bushies! 揑 practiced law for over a dozen years and negotiated lots of contracts. And, unlike the Bush administration, I always kept my poker face. Why? Because if you want the best possible deal, you must make the other party think that he needs you more than you need him. ...?
Dear Boss, Where抯 My Bonus? 揟he AIG bonus fiasco has been very enlightening. Giving incompetent employees huge bonuses, so they won抰 resign? And with taxpayer cash yet? What a concept! ...?
Steele-Buyers?Remorse 揑t seems Republican National Committee members are having second, third, and fourth thoughts about having named Michael Steele to be Chairman of the RNC. ...?
Ode To GOP Grovelers (Song Parody to the Mickey Mouse Club Song) 揥ho抯 in charge of the GOP? Based on all the groveling and Limbaugh-tuckus-licking, it抯 surely the guy with 搕alent on loan from God??even though God foreclosed over a decade ago. ...?
Ode To Roland Burris 揟he (I hope) soon-to-be-ex-Senator Roland Burris is quite the word weasel, isn抰 he? So I thought I抎 join the calls for his resignation with my latest limerick: ...?
Obama Hasn抰 Fixed Everything Yet? What抯 Taking Him So Long? 揑 can抰 decide whether Bret Stephens is nuts or just a really bad satirist. I抦 referring to his Wall Street Journal column entitled Obama抯 Charm Isn抰 Working Wonders Abroad, in which he recites a litany of foreign policy problems and wonders why Obama hasn抰 solved them all yet. After all, it抯 been twenty-one whole days! ...?
D.C. Snow Job 揕ife in Washington, D.C. must be great! Otherwise, the D.C. Council would surely have better things to do than passing laws that require drivers to remove snow from their cars. ...?
Only Peons Have To Pay Taxes 揊irst Tim Geithner, and now Tom Daschle. Anyone else getting tired of rich, powerful people failing to pay taxes, saying 揙ops! Sorry! My bad!?and getting away with it? ...?
Irony Has At Least Seven More Lives 揙nce again, the media is debating the purported death of irony. Nine-eleven killed it the last time, and this year抯 culprit is Barack Obama. Lucky for humorists (and their readers), irony apparently has a cat-like nine lives. ...?
Dear Bush, Doesn抰 Your Brush Need Clearing? 揕ike The New York Times?Gail Collins and so many others, I think Bush and Cheney need to take early retirement. Otherwise, by the time Obama is president, there won抰 be anything left to preside over. ...?
Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex? "What on earth is the matter with Republicans like Rep. Michelle Bachmann and Rep. Robin Hayes? Not only do they say insane things, but they deny saying them, as if recording devices had never been invented. ...?
Ode To David Frum "David Frum, infamous for fathering (or at least taking credit for fathering) the phrase 揂xis of Evil,?took on the wrong person last night. I抦 referring, of course, to Rachel Maddow. ..."
Sarah In Wonderland "A bipartisan legislative panel in Alaska finds Sarah Palin guilty of abusing her executive power. So is Palin contrite? Hahahahaha! ...?
Team Of Liars (Limerick)
揟he McCain/Palin team now is rife
With liars, including John抯 wife. ...?
Dear 揈veryday Working Class?Sarah "How many 'everyday, working-class Americans' do you know who own 'a single-engine plane, two boats, two personal watercraft and a half-million-dollar, custom-built home on a lake??
Did The Dog Eat John McCain抯 Debate Notes? "The guy who almost never shows up for Senate votes, is apparently planning to swoop into Washington, fix our fiscal crisis and, only then, resume campaigning and debate. ...?
Bailin' On Palin? "How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick. ..."
Sarah Who??? "Sarah Palin For Veep? I knew John McCain and his Rovian puppet masters were cynical, but this takes the cake. ..."
Kristol-izing Feminism "So Bill Kristol抯 a feminist. Who knew? Yes, William Kristol, Republican con man, is oh so terribly concerned about the glass ceiling perpetuated by Barack Obama when he chose Joe Biden for his running mate, denying Hillary Clinton her shot at Veep. ..."
McCain's Bellicose Tune (Song Parody -- Sing to I抦 Popeye The Sailor Man)
"I抦 tougher than nails, I am.
I stand up for Uncle Sam.
The other guy抯 weak,
While I抦 still at my peak,
Cuz I抦 tougher than nails, I am! ..."
Media Sheep "McCain抯 a straight talker.
Ignore all his lying.
Obama is pompous.
He抯 humble? Not buying!
That抯 the agreed-upon narrative. See? ..."
A Humorist抯 Lament "By now, everyone抯 surely seen Barry Blitt抯 New Yorker cover, depicting Barack Obama as a flag-burning, bin Laden-loving, fist-bumping Muslim. Intended to satirize 揟he Politics of Fear,?the image is being widely criticized as reinforcing the very stereotypes it seeks to mock. ..."
Ode To Pious John McCain "The Philly Inq抯 Dick Polman really nails it in his must-read post about John McCain抯 'artful dance with North Carolina Republican leaders, who have fashioned a low-road, anti-Obama advertisement that is slated to air on statewide TV next Monday.' ...?
McCain's New Campaign Slogan "John McCain has been having a tough time raising campaign money lately. So I thought I抎 help out with a McCain campaign slogan haiku ?gratis. ..."
Dear Ralph: Go Away! "I used to think Ralph Nader keeps running for president because he抯 an egomaniac and a blowhard. But I抦 starting to suspect that he suffers from Dubya-disease ?he needs to feel relevant. ..."
Hey Pundits, Stifle Yourselves! "I can抰 decide what抯 more annoying ?when pundits are wrong, or when they insist on finding meaning in the meaningless, deep significance in utter nonsense. ..."
My Family Needs Me (Limerick and Video -- Read It or Watch It) "I抦 always amused when politicians and other public figures get into legal hot water and develop a sudden urge to spend more time with their family. ..."
Hillary Clinton Joke (Video) "I抳e been playing around with creating short video clips and I抳e finally succeeded. So if you抎 like to see me tell a joke I wrote about Hillary Clinton and the issue of drivers licenses for illegal aliens, here it is. ..."
Why Are These Journalists Smiling? (Limerick) "I抳e noticed that many reporters and talking heads are almost giddy over Hillary Clinton抯 recent stumbles and the rumored return of Barack Obama抯 mojo. ..."
First Pakistan And Then... (Haiku) "While Bush and Cheney are busily threatening World War 3 over of Iran抯 potential future nuclear threat, ..."
Ode To Our Petulant Prez (Limerick) "George Bush has been sounding extra whiney lately. The poor guy! Those abusive Dems have been torturing him, giving him a mere 98% of what he asks for. ..."
Heckofajob, Karen! (Haiku) "So Karen Hughes has resigned from her job to 'promote America抯 values ...'"
The Poetry Of Rudy Giuliani "Did you know that Rudy Giuliani is a poet? Me neither. So I was really surprised to unearth the poetry of Rudy Giuliani. Here are six poems I found in the Rudy Reader: ..."
Message To Obama: Hammer! Don't Stammer! (Haiku) "This is starting to get silly. It seems like every other day, Barack Obama promises to bolster his lagging poll numbers by changing his campaign style and getting tough on Hillary Clinton. ..."
Pondering Condi "Condi Rice抯 testimony this past week, in which she belligerently defended the State Department抯 work in Iraq, was her first appearance before a Democratically-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. True to form, she blamed everything but the Bush抯 many administration failures for the problems in Iraq: ..."
Pondering Rudy "I live in New York City, so I抦 pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros. What pros? Well, Rudy does love opera. ..."
Shorter Michael Mukasey "Here抯 how I抎 sum up Attorney General nominee Mike Mukasey抯 Senate Judiciary Committee testimony..."
SCHIP Haiku "At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP..."
Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation "I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume抯 exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker 揳bout the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.?What抯 the matter ?wasn抰 Hannity available? ..."
Bush Gaffes Used To Make Me Laugh "These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn抰 resist this great headline: Bush backs 慉ustrian troops?at 慜PEC? ..."
Mustachioed Men -- Downtrodden Minority? "Is the American Mustache Institute (AMI) for real? When I first read about it, I figured it must surely be fictitious. Either that ?or John Bolton抯 new employer. ..."
Dirty White House Complains About Gonzales "Mud" "Poor Alberto Gonzales! During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job ?protect George Bush. And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth. ..."
Ode To The Lame GOP Gang Of Eleven "Please forgive me for not being all that impressed with the Republican Gang of Eleven, who supposedly hammered George Bush about Iraq and had the 'most unvarnished conversation they抳e ever had with the president.' ..."
The Commander Guy Uncensored "George Dubya, our swaggering action-figure president, has dubbed himself 'The Commander Guy.' Okay, that抯 absurd enough. But here抯 the part you may have missed: ..."
Bush's Iraq Strategy: Here ... Catch "President Codpiece celebrated 揗ission Accomplished?day by vetoing the Iraq war spending bill. Why turn down money he抯 just dying to get his grubby hands on? Cause those mean Dems are trying to make him end the war some time during his Presidency. ..."
Serenade For The First Sufferers (Song Parody) "I抦 betting that Laura Bush can finally say goodbye to her relatively high approval numbers. Why? Because on this morning抯 Today Show, Laura said something to Anne Curry that抯 way beyond obnoxious. ..."
Merchants Of Hype "On April 1, 2007 U.S. Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham held a press conference in Iraq, in which Sen. Graham rhapsodized about buying 揻ive rugs for five bucks?in a Baghdad marketplace. ..."
Truth On The Lam "Rachel Maddow has an update on Orrin Hatch抯 smear campaign against Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney for San Diego who was recently fired by the Justice Department. ..."
Why I Won抰 Use What抯-Her-Name抯 Name Anymore "Here抯 a good story about the hate-filled, bigoted venom directed at John Edwards, which was recently spewed by a person whose name I will no longer mention, because it only encourages her. ..."
To Be Honest... "揑n all candor?prepares me for lies
When it抯 said by political guys. ..."
Blogroll Scrooges Must Be Punished "Some major bloggers (most prominently Atrios/Eschaton and Kos) have recently instituted a blogroll purge, eliminating, for the most part, all but the usual suspects. And to add insult to injury, they referred to it in Orwellian fashion as 'Blogroll Amnesty Day.' ..."
Ode To Little John Warner "You just have to love it: Senator John Warner helped kill the debate on Bush抯 surge, voting to block a vote on his own Warner-Levin Iraq War Resolution: ..."
Ode To The Great Molly Ivins "Alas, the magnificent Molly Ivins has died. To call her a great wit and outstanding journalist would be an understatement. She has always been an inspiration to me and to every other liberal I know who tries to write political satire. ..."
Mess? What Mess? "From Dub抯 State of the Union address,
Who would guess that our nation抯 a mess? ..."
Bush抯 Surge Speech: A Mad Preview "Another Bush war speech is on the horizon. Oh, goody! Actually, I抦 not sure I抣l be able to force myself to watch next week抯 speech, in which Bush is expected to announce a politically motivated 搒urge and accelerate plan.?But I抳e heard enough Bush speeches to sum this one up in a limerick, without even seeing it: ..."
Bush On The Couch; Dub On The Divan "Justin A. Frank, M.D., author of 揃ush on the Couch,?makes a convincing case that George W. Bush is a sociopath in this fascinating Buzzflash interview. ..."
A Convenient Noose "As SNL抯 Churchlady used to say, 揌ow con-veeeeeeee-ni-ent!? I抦 referring, of course, to the Saddam Hussein death by hanging sentence, ..."
Bush and Cheney's Blunderland (Song Parody -- Sing To Winter Wonderland)
"Rummy抯 great, and he抯 staying.
No debate. Stop your braying.
'Fantastic' at war!
Bush Rummy adores.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney抯 Blunderland. ..."
Thoughts Of Elections Past "A pair of poems today ?more serious than usual ? inspired by the latest attempt to swift-boat John Kerry. ..."
Ode To Lynne Cheney "The author of Sisters, named Lynne,
Thinks her party at all costs must win. ..."
Frist And Hastert Rediscover The Constitution "Frist and Hastert don't care if the Bush administration invades the privacy of ordinary citizens. Nor do they seem bothered by the Executive branch's brazen power grab, evidenced by Bush's "de facto veto" signing statements, Congressional oversight avoidance, and sundry law breaking. But just let the Justice Department mess with one of their own..."
Ode To Kenny Boy (To be sung to the tune of "Danny Boy")
"Oh Kenny Boy, the jails, the jails are calling,
From state to state, and through the world so wide.
The money's gone, and all the chips are falling,
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and you must hide..."
Tabloid Times "It's only May 2006, and the New York Times is already doing trashy, tabloid-style coverage of the Clintons. What's the matter, New York Times? You didn't have a juicy Iran-war-inducing story to plant on your cover page? ..."
Faking Contrition - Song Parody (Sing to "Waltzing Matilda")
Cheney feels bad that he shot his good friend.
If you don't buy his story, you're a lib'ral Democrat.
Leave him alone. This harassment must end..."
Auld Lang Impeachment -- Song Parody (Sing to "Auld Lang Syne")
"Bush/Cheney's wrongs won't be forgot.
Each one we'll keep in mind.
These evil men must be locked up
For all their many crimes.
They spied on U.S. citizens.
They lied us into war..."
Bill O'Reilly's Faux War On Christmas Song Parody (Sing to "Get Me To The Church On Time")
"Bill says we're waging war on Christmas,
Spouting another Fox News lie.
Bill's rarely proper.
Loves telling whoppers.
Ain't nothing that his fans won't buy..."
Yet Another White House Leak: Harriet Miers Ethics Class Humor "Dear Staffers To the Smartest Man in the Whole World:
As you've probably heard, we've had a teensy glitch in the classified document leaks department: A certain fellow, who shall remain nameless, has been naughty lately, and the press is all over us..."
4 Sam Alito Limericks "There once was a judge named Alito,
Who's often called Judge Sam Scalito.
He's fond of state powers.
At labor he glowers..."
Fitzmas Madness (Poem about pre-Plamegate indictment anxiety)
"I keep scanning the Net
For some news from Pat Fitz.
If he don't indict soon,
I may go on the fritz..."
The Judy Miller Quartet (of Limericks) (Four limericks about Judy Miller, The New York Times and the Plamegate investigation)
"Ms. Miller has written her tale,
And as tales go, it's rather a whale.
Her memory's convenient,
On Libby she's lenient..."
Warrior Dub's Anthem -- Song Parody (Sing To "Strangers In The Night")
"Bush didn't pick this fight,
But he shall win it.
We must show our might.
That's how he spins it.
Bush is in the right,
Cause Dubya speaks to God..."
The Immoderate Pact Song Parody (Sing to When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again)
"The 'moderates' made a voting pact.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
The 'moderates' got their power back.
We're screwed, we're screwed.
Their deal betrays our democracy..."
The Don't Compromise Song (Sing to Let's Twist Again)
Words that make me shudder.
Yeah, "let's compromise,"
Words I've grown to fear..."
Injudicious Limericks A pair of limericks "celebrating" Bush judicial nominees Janice Rogers Brown and Priscilla Owen.
The Filibuster Song (Sing to Alouette)
Save the filibuster.
The Madness Is Back "I've been gone for two weeks.
Did I miss something good?
Didn't keep up with the news,
Though I know that I should..."
Cover Girl Coulter "The hate-spewing "pundit" named Ann,
On Time's cover did manage to land..."
AMT Owed Ode -- Tax Poem "The AMT's a sneaky tax.
Though meant to snare the wealthy,
It burdens workers to the max. ..."
Who Can Turn The World Off With A Snarl (Song Parody about John Bolton to be sung to the Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song "Love Is All Around")
"Who mistreats his staff? Who's filled with bile?
Who can take a lovely day, and suddenly ruin it with hate so vile? ..."
Ode To Tom DeLay -- Song Parody (to be sung to "To All The Girls I've Loved Before")
"A Rep whose name is Tom DeLay,
He breaks the rules most ev'ry day.
He don't respect the law,
Thinks ethics are a bore..."
Dubya's Democracy Occupation "Democracy cannot succeed,
Said Dubya with a glower.
In countries that are occupied
By mean old foreign powers..."
The Real Reason Condi Gave Canada The Boot They say Condi postponed her trip to British Columbia, Canada as punishment for Canada's refusal to participate in Dubya's pet missile shield program. But I think there's a much simpler explanation: Condi doesn't want to sully her spanking new hot boots with Canadian snow...
In The Year 2000 "In the Year 2000,
A man named Dub
Stole our Prez election,
Treated Dems like schlubs..."
Bush and Cheney Horrorland Song Parody (to be sung to "Winter Wonderland")
"People die, for no reason.
People starve, 'tis the season.
A terrible blight,
Each night after night,
In the Bush and Cheney Horrorland..."
Georgie Dub "Georgie Dub still won't divulge
The truth behind that telltale bulge..."
Yet Another Anti-Bush Poem "Lost explosives -- many tons.
Feeling safer anyone?
Bush forgot to mind the store.
Must not give him four years more..."
The Education President Song (to be sung to "I Write The Songs")
"Bush promised parents that he'd fix our schools.
That he'd make sure their children didn't turn out fools.
But all the teachers got were lots of rules..."
Sore Loser Limerick "There once was a man named George Dub,
Who debated and mis'rably flubbed..."
Top Secret Debate Contract Addendum "As most people know by now, President Bush and Senator Kerry have signed on to a 32 page debate agreement. But few are aware that they also signed a secret addendum to that agreement. Fortunately, www.kx169.com has an exclusive copy of that secret addendum, provided by a DC insider whom I will identify only as Debate Throat..."
Shipping Bush/Cheney Back Home (to be sung to "The Caissons Go Rolling Along")
"On the Hill, on the dale,
Kerry/Edwards will not fail.
We'll be shipping Bush/Cheney back home..."
Cheney's E-Bray "Be happy and be gay.
It's a fabulous new day.
Things are A-okay.
Cause you're trading on eBay..."
"W" Stands For What? "W" stands for "wrong,"
Says Kerry on the stump.
But some give "wrong" a gong,
And say it should be dumped..."
Odes to the "Zellot" "There once was a turncoat named Zell,
Whose soul to George Bush he did sell..."
Oust George Bush Song Parody (to be sung to "Five Foot Two" a/k/a "Has Anybody Seen My Gal?")
It's time to oust them from DC.
Evict George Bush and all his pals..."
The GOP Hits New York Song Parody (to be sung to "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again")
"The GOP bash will soon be here.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Won't give 'em a hearty welcome cheer.
Oh, no! Oh, no..."
Mis-Education President Bush swore he'd leave no child behind,
A very worthy goal.
Instead, he left the states a great big budgetary hole.
Unforgivable (to be sung to "Unforgettable")
"I apologize." Bush just won't say,
"I apologize." George Bush? No way!
There's a trail of failures caused by Dub.
He won't say, "I'm sorry." There's the rub.
Never before has someone been more..."
Ode To The August PDB "When Condoleezza Rice speaks out
Does anybody buy her?
It's hard to fathom how she fumbled warnings, oh so dire..."
Fact-Free Bush (to be sung to "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain")
"When the facts get in the way you change the facts,
And when facts get in the way, give facts the ax.
When the facts get in the way,
When the facts get in the way,
When the facts get in the way you change the facts..."
Daily Kos Song A song parody about the right wing attack on the liberal Daily Kos weblog, to be sung to the Mister Ed TV show song.
www.kx169.com Hires An Ombudsman For years I've been flooded with emails challenging the accuracy of www.kx169.com. At first I did what most publications do -- I ignored them. But as time went by, I realized that something had to be done. So in keeping with recent trends and in the interest of sound journalism, I've appointed an ombudsman who'd like to be known only as "Bud." Here is Bud's first report...
AWOL Jobs "Our jobs are disappearing
To nations far and wide.
While Dubya has no plan at all
To stem this risky tide..."
Ralph & Rove "It looks like Ralph Nader is poised to announce another run. I guess he found this email persuasive:
Subject: What will it take? ..."
Mass Distraction "A Massachusetts Liberal
They call him with a hiss.
For wingnuts could there ever be
A better Kerry diss..."
Dubya's Poetic Injustice "A humble foreign policy,
Bush promised way back when.
Then wages war preemptively.
For bloodshed Dubya yens..."
2nd Annual Dubya Quote Quiz Can you tell the difference between a satirical Dubya quote and the real enchilada? Take the second annual Dubya Quote Quiz and see.
Dean's Electable (to be sung to "Unforgettable'")
"Dean's electable. Dean worries Karl.
So electable, Rove's nails are gnarled.
It's the fear of Rove that Bush he'll beat,
That he'll send George Dub a huge defeat..."
Almanacs of Evil "If you dare to use an almanac,
The Feds are on your case.
You may swear you're not a maniac,
But charges you could face..."
Bushtown Races "The Bush White House is being praised for not gloating over Saddam Hussein's capture. But is Bush really exercising such uncharacteristic self-restraint? Not according to my sources, who claim he's singing a different tune in the privacy of the Oval Office..."
Oh, What A Mis'rable Failure (to be sung to "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" from "Oklahoma")
"There's a right wingnut based in the White House.
End that right wingnut's stay in the White House.
His lies are piled high as an elephant's eye,
And it looks like they're climbin' clear up to the sky..."
Dubya's Travels, Brit Travails "George Bush so wants to greet the Queen
And pose for photo ops.
He'd also love some signs unseen,
Their bearers nabbed by cops..."
St. Reagan's Song (to be sung to "Just You Wait" from "My Fair Lady")
"He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint!
You'll be sorry if you dare to say, he ain't.
A fine bloke who's kind and cunning,
Beat the Russians, great with money.
He's a saint, Ronald Reagan, he's a saint..."
Dubya's Don't Blame Me Song (to be sung to "Good King Wenceslas")
"I didn't do it. Not my fault!
Maybe 'twas some sailor.
Banners ain't my thing at all.
I was with my tailor..."
The Spinning Song (to be sung to "Spinning Wheel" by David Clayton Thomas -- Blood, Sweat & Tears)
"Down is up. Up is down.
Spinners wield lies that confound.
Claimin' that our troubles really prove: We win!
Spreadin' Bush baloney, Dubya smirks as he spins..."
Ode to the Barbed Bushes "George Dubya's mom goes on TV
To plug her book and whine.
She brags about her Forty-three.
Says Dems shouldn't Dub malign..."
General Boykin's Ballad "We're at war against Satan?
A startling idea!
That explains all the hatin'
And mongering fear..."
Press Filter Follies (Dubya's Anti-Media Poem)
"An evil filter is the press.
They lie and say Iraq's a mess.
Though things are going great down there,
You'll never hear it on the air..."
The Traitorgate Song (to be sung to "I Write The Songs" by Barry Manilow)
"The scandal started with a Niger lie
About nuke matter Saddam never did buy.
But Dubya would not let that falsehood die.
It's Traitorgate, it's Traitorgate..."
French Fall Guy Song (to be sung to "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair," from South Pacific)
"Bush wants to wash the French right out of his hair.
Old Europe France does things he simply can't bear.
If only France was out of George Bush's hair.
He'd always get his way..."
The Traitor Tune (to be sung to "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain")
"If you criticize the White House, you're a fool.
Nothing more than an Al Qaeda pal and tool.
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House,
If you criticize the White House, you're a fool..."
The Blackout Song (to be sung to "Just The Way You Are," by Billy Joel)
"Don't go blaming
George Bush for blackouts.
Electric grids are such a bore..."
Power Pols "How the politicians glower
When they're blamed for losing power.
Make excuses by the hour,
Faces grim and oh so dour..."
Spying Days Are Here Again (To be sung to "Happy Days Are Here Again")
"Spying days are here again.
You aren't safe from evil men.
One might even be a real close friend.
Spying days are here again..."
The Fair & Balanced Song Parody (To be sung to the tune of "Love and Marriage")
"Fair and balanced,
Fair and balanced.
Empty slogans, rabid views, and shrill rants.
Fox calls critics liars.
O'Reilly's filled with angst and ire..."
Yellow Bush of Texas (To be sung to "Yellow Rose of Texas")
"There's a yellow Bush in Texas, that's where he loves to be.
Where Dub can dodge the media, evading scrutiny.
He cries so when he leaves there, it nearly breaks his heart..."
Fabulosa Condoleezza (To be sung to "Mona Lisa")
"Condoleezza, Condoleezza, Dub adores you.
You're so fine at saying falsehoods with a smile.
Is it cause you're female, Condi, that they've blamed you
For your fabulosa fakery and guile..."
Bush Says The Words (To be sung to "I Write The Songs")
"I say the words that other people write.
Don't give a damn if they are wrong or right.
As long as folks think war is justified.
I say the words, I say the words..."
Bush Misleads (To be sung to "Let It Be")
"We must drive ourselves in times of trouble.
Mustn't tarry, must be free.
We shall work to oust him. Bush misleads..."
Democrats' Anthem: Election 2004 (To be sung to "Blowin' In The Wind")
"How many wars must a President start
Without any reason at all?
How much ill will must a President cause
Until he at last takes the fall?
How many wars must a President launch
Because he is greedy for oil?
The answer my friend is dump Republicans.
The answer is dump Republicans..."
Christie Whitman Went To Town (To be sung to "Yankee Doodle")
"Christie Whitman went to town
To do George Dubya's bidding.
For power acted like a clown,
Enviro head unfitting.
Those who've smelled New Jersey's stink
Got what they expected..."
Ari, Ari (To be sung to "Monday, Monday")
"Ari, Ari, Please don't leave me.
Ari, Ari, You were all I hoped you would be.
Oh, Ari, Ari, Ari, Ari, please guarantee
Through reelection you will still be here with me..."
Bye Bye Mitch (To be sung to "Bye Bye Love")
"Bye bye Mitch,
Mitch D's quit, he says,
He helped make a mess,
I sure ain't gonna cry..."
"Traitor" Chicks Serenade (To be sung to "Lollipop")
"Call 'em Traitor Dixie Chicks, tell you why,
Insulting Bush besmirches apple pie.
So when they try to sing and play and dance,
Man, they haven't got a chance..."
All I Want Is A New Regime (To be sung to "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" from "My Fair Lady")
"All I want is a new regime,
In the White House a brand new team,
From ear to ear I'd beam,
Aow, wouldn't it be loverly..."
The Rummy Poem Slate Missed "Don Rumsfeld wants some muting
Of news that he's disputing
And photos he's refuting,
Cause we've won every fray..."
Antiwar Humor Page. To make it easier to find my antiwar song parodies and comic strips, I've created this antiwar humor page. It also has an annotated list of links to many fine sites featuring antiwar humor.
Don't Cry For Dick's Halliburton (To be sung to the chorus of "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina")
"Don't cry for Dick's Halliburton.
The truth is he never left you.
All through his Veep days,
His mad existence,
He kept his promise.
He went the distance..."
Disinfo Ode "Are we being misled
By reporters embed
Spewing info spoon-fed?
Is the truth being shred..."
Bush Don't Need No Demonstrations (To be sung to "Another Brick in the Wall," by Pink Floyd)
"Bush don't need no demonstrations.
He don't need no 'pinion polls.
No dark forecasts of gloom and war doom.
Peaceniks! Leave George Bush alone..."
More Dubya Comic Strips My latest Dubya Comic Strips are Dubya Doles Out Democracy, Chicken-Hawk President, and Export Nation.
Old George Dubya's Talkin' (To be sung to "Everybody's Talkin'")
"Old George Dubya's talkin' at me.
I don't buy a word he's sayin'.
Can't bear the echoes of his lies..."
Dubya Comic Strips I've created some more Dubya Comic Strips. So far I've posted State of Disunion, Dubya Makes the Grade, Warrior Bush, Phrase-Maker Bush, Sacred Bush, Dubya Does College, Blind Trust, and State of the Union.
Bush and Tony (To be sung to the tune of "Love and Marriage")
"Bush and Tony, Bush and Tony
Go together like a cart and pony.
This I tell you brother
You can't have one without the other.
Bush and Tony, Bush and Tony
Always waging war & being phony..."
Prez From Old New England (To be sung to "Girl From Ipanema")
"Tall and tan and brash and ornery,
The Prez from old New England goes talking,
And when he rants, yes, the Dems he bashes go -- Bah..."
Class Warfare Song (To be sung to "Moon River")
Poverty will swell
If Karl and Dubya get
Dubya Quote Quiz Can you tell the difference between a satirical Dubya quote and the real enchilada? Take the first annual Dubya Quote Quiz and see.
Fristy The Surgeon (To be sung to "Frosty The Snowman" by Nelson & Rollins)
"Fristy the surgeon
Was elected on the phone.
With a White House boost got the Leader post.
Will he throw Trent Lott a bone..."
Trent Lott's Lot "Said good ol' boy Trent,
Just what I meant.
'Twas but a toast to a friend,
Cause he still is not yet dead..."
Secret To Hide (To be sung to "Ticket To Ride" by Lennon/McCartney)
"The nation's gonna be had.
I think it's today, yeah.
That Bush he's driving me mad
With Henry the K..."
The Rantings Of Trent Lott (To be sung to "The Sidewalks Of New York" by Lawlor & Blake)
"Sounding off in DC
From his Senate stoop,
In his right-wing meetings,
Lott leads a scary group..."
When Liberals Rule (To be sung to "Blue Bayou" by Roy Orbison and Joe Melson)
"I feel so bad, I got a worried mind,
I`m so anxious all the time,
Since the Dems were left far behind
And George Bush rules..."
Say Goodbye To Privacy (To be sung to "Say Goodbye to Hollywood" by Billy Joel)
"Bush is drivin' through a bill that strips rights,
Turns your life to an open, guided tour.
It sends your info to a Fed'ral machine.
It's a scene straight from Nineteen-Eight-Four.
Say goodbye to privacy.
Say goodbye to freedom..."
Tommy's Tune (To be sung to "Alfie" by Hal David & Burt Bacharach)
"What's it all about, Tommy?
Why did Dems get such paltry few wins..."
Handling Harvey "CHENEY: Good morning, Mr. President. We need to discuss the Pitt problem. If anybody asks, we're mulling over the idea of asking Harvey to resign. (Wink, wink)
DUBYA: But I like Harvey. More important -- our pals like Harvey. What's the matter with yur eye?
CHENEY: There's nothing wrong with my eye! If anybody asks, we're mulling over the idea of asking Pitt to resign. (Wink, wink)
DUBYA: I just told ya -- I'm not dumpin Harvey! Ya really should get that eye looked at..."
Bush Don't Want No Arms Inspections (To be sung to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones)
"I don't want no arms inspections,
I don't want no arms inspections.
But I lie and I lie and I lie and I lie..."
Irresolution Blues (To be sung to "I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter" by Ahlert/Young)
"I had to rubber stamp that Iraq resolution.
And make believe it's right to do.
The GOP is tough to beat.
I'm scared to go down in defeat.
And so I kissed George Bush's bottom.
Please don't think I'm rotten..."
401(k) Ode (Owed) (To be sung to "Toot, Toot, Tootsie, Goodbye" by Kahn, Erdman & Russo)
Keeps on dropping, oh my!
Republicans who tell me,
I shouldn't be blue, no words can tell how mad it makes me.
Four-Oh-One-Kay, oh when
Will you rise up again..."
Suin' For The Win (To be sung to "Blowin' In The Wind" by Bob Dylan)
"How many ways can I run unopposed
And still claim that I'm being fair?
How many ways can I get every vote
And land me a Senator's chair?
How many claims can I bring to the courts
Before the election's declared?
The answer my friends is in my lawyers' hands,
The answer is in my lawyers' hands..."
Don't Think Twice, Let's Just Fight (To be sung to "Don't Think Twice" by Bob Dylan)
"Well it ain抰 no use to curse and pine and sigh, babe.
If you don't know by now.
And it ain抰 no use to miss that other guy, babe.
And the ever rising Dow.
Cause my boosters crow and the weak Dems fawn.
Read any paper. You'll see I've won.
That's the reason I'm warrin' on.
Don't think twice, let's just fight..."
War's A Distraction (To be sung to "Anticipation" by Carly Simon)
"We can never know about the days to come.
But we think about them anyway.
And I wonder how we let Bush bring us down.
Why he always gets his damn mean and evil way.
War's a distraction. War's a distraction.
He's feeding us hate.
Iraq he's baiting..."
Bush Clears His Brain (To be sung to "The Rain In Spain" from "My Fair Lady" by Lerner & Loewe)
"To clear his brain Bush runs across the plain.
That George he does it.
That George he does it.
He runs because he fears he'll go insane..."
Iraq, Iraq (To be sung to "New York, New York" from "On The Town")
"Iraq, Iraq, I refuse to back down.
Most hawks say yup, but some others just frown.
Hussein belongs in a hole in the ground.
Iraq, Iraq, I refuse to back down..."
On Wall Street (To be sung to "On Broadway")
"They say that things are really bad on Wall Street.
They say there's much malfeasance in the air.
But I don't want to hurt my friends.
And tough laws give my pals the bends.
Then donors drop right off and I'm nowhere..."
Preemption (To be sung to "Tradition" from "Fiddler On The Roof")
"Preemption, preemption! Preemption!
Preemption, preemption! Preemption!
Who, day and night, must run the greatest nation,
Heed the polls and Karl Rove, say his daily prayers?
And who has the right, as U. S. President,
To have the final word on war..."
I Read The News Each Day, Oh Boy (To be sung to the tune of "A Day In The Life" by Lennon/McCartney)
"I read the news each day, oh boy
About a President who got poor grades.
Of course the news is mostly sad
Though one thing made me laugh
The chewing gum photograph..."
Ode to Pootie-Poot (To be sung to the tune of "Lollipop" by the Chordettes)
"Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Pootie-Poot, Pootie-Poot, oh Pootie, Pootie, Pootie,
Call my Putin Pootie-Poot.
Tell you why.
His soul is sweeter than an apple pie.
But with his tough negotiation stance
Man, I haven't got a chance..."
Dubya's Dayly Diary My satirical Dubya's Dayly Diary has been named USATODAY.com's Fun Site of the Week and won an About.com Bushie Award for best Bush-inspired parody on the Net.
Spinmeister (To be sung to the tune of "Matchmaker" from "Fiddler on the Roof")
"Spinmeister, spinmeister, spin me some spin,
Write me a line, win me a win.
Spinmeister, spinmeister, search through your brain
And spin me some 9-1-1 spin..."
Ashcroft's Favorite Things (To be sung to the tune of "My Favorite Things")
"Rifles and roscoes and Winch'sters and cannons,
Rich NRA guys who own lots of weapons,
Generous men to whose pockets I cling,
These are a few of my favorite things..."
Hey Hughes (To be sung to the tune of "Hey Jude")
"Hey Hughes, don't leave DC.
Take a sad Bush and make me better.
Remember I need you cause you're so smart,
Then you can start to make me better..."
Five Foot Ten (To be sung to the tune of "Five Foot Two")
"Five foot ten, great at spin,
But oh! she's tougher than most men.
Has anybody seen my gal?
Striking pose, scares my foes,
There's no end to what she knows.
Has anybody seen my gal..."
Pretzel Producers Allege Dubya Defamation, File Multibillion Buck Lawsuit "The National Association of Pretzel Producers ("NAPP") filed suit late yesterday against President Bush... NAPP's complaint, which seeks five billion dollars in compensatory and punitive damages for "pretzel product slander, pretzel product libel, and defamatory snack food disparagement," alleges that Bush and his codefendants "did willfully and maliciously and/or with reckless disregard for the truth, publish and disseminate false and/or untrue statements about the activities of one or more pretzels..."
I'm Dubya The President (To be sung to the tune of "I'm Popeye The Sailor Man")
"I'm Dubya the President.
I've always said what I meant.
When I yell "Stop terror!"
I'm never in error.
I'm Dubya the President..."
Dubya's Dream (To be sung to the tune of "Impossible Dream" from "Man From La Mancha")
"To scheme an insidious scheme,
Where every dissenter's my foe,
To act like I share people's sorrow,
To run three fast miles in a row..."
Old Dick Cheney (To be sung to the tune of "Old MacDonald Had A Farm")
"Old Dick Cheney's hiding stuff, from the GAO.
And when they sued, Dick had a cow, he hates the GAO.
With a lawsuit here and a lawsuit there,
Here a suit, there a suit,
Everywhere a lawsuit.
Old Dick Cheney's hiding stuff, from the GAO..."
Comics' Relief: Late Night Comedians Begin Group Therapy "In the wake of the terrorist attacks on the United States, political humor has virtually disappeared, replaced by patriotic platitudes. Deprived of their customary targets, late night TV talk show hosts are at their wits' end, struggling to find a new humorous voice that entertains without offending. So it's not surprising that Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, and Bill Maher have sought comic relief in group therapy. Here's the transcript of their first joint therapy session, leaked to me by someone I'll simply call Deep Doc..."
George Dubya Bush Channeler Seeks Therapy "Doctor's Notes: An unusually difficult first session. Patient was referred by Employer law firm, who has placed Patient on indefinite mental health leave. HR files furnished by Employer report erratic behavior dating back eight months, including: 1. Patient refused to address sundry judges as "Your Honor" on seven occasions, leading to..."
Election News Alert "Health care professionals throughout the United States are bracing for a severe outbreak of National Election Withdrawal Syndrome..."
Ms. LegalPerson Tries To Explain Election 2000 "Ms. LegalPerson is happy to report that Tuesday's Presidential election is over and that Gore ... no ... Bush ... no ... Gore ... no ... Bush ... no.... Hmmm, better begin again in the "do over" spirit that's overtaken the U.S. media. Here goes: Ms. LegalPerson is happy to report that Tuesday is history. Tuesday's election, however, may never end..."
Great Math Divide Every time I open a newspaper or surf the Web, there's another poll trying to predict who will be our next President. But are the pollsters asking the right questions? I'm convinced that when push comes to lever pull..."
A Kiss Before Speechifying "Actually, I was trying to send a message to Tipper." So said Vice President Al Gore, when asked if he was trying to send a message to the country with the Gores' nationally televised smooch on the final evening of the Democratic National Convention. For some reason I can't quite grasp, people are making a big deal about the not quite X-rated kiss Al gave Tipper right before he began his nomination acceptance speech...